One of the first things I didn’t know I didn’t know was that I had a choice. That I always had a choice but I felt trapped by the ways I tried to try to control uncontrollable things.
I used to try to “fix” people and even places and cultures when it wasn’t my job at all. It was a way to feel safe, in control and self-important.
By learning how to pray and surrender (just a tiny bit) my life slowly and steadily got better. To trust in something beyond my control whether it has a conscious or not or could be identified as a “human-like being” changed my life.
I had to learn from others, see and hear them pray and find my own relationship with something greater than me. I got lucky and could lean on others’ faith before I found my own. I was led to elders who could teach me.
The first thing I believed in was Beauty. I practiced seeing beauty as often as I could and, what seemed like suddenly, there was Beauty everywhere, even in me.
It’s a process, a practice, not an event. Keep working at it and it will come.